It happened. This morning. I got up to shower ready for work and those darned scales caught my eye. Eh, should weight and make sure I am doing ok, I think as I begrudgingly step on.
Wait what?! another kilo heavier... I jump in the shower with a million things going through my head. Could it be fluid? I did drink a lot yesterday What have I been eating? I can't think of anything particularly bad.. So myself gave me a quick kick and said "Right! This is it, it all has to change now! Your clothes are getting tighter, its just not healthy to live like this. It stops here, right here in this shower and it changes now!" It was almost like I was disciplining my inner child, really quite weird.
I sat down and told Moo, I must do this, I must start again and change my ways. My fingers have even gained enough that I had to remove my now uncomfortable wedding and engagement rings ;-( It wasn't that long ago I had to take them off because they kept falling off! Moo is always supportive and of course loves me for who I am and will help in any way possible. I would just like to be able to love myself as much and feel more comfortable in my own skin.
The plan, in my head at least, is to use some meal replacement shakes, especially on my work days. Only one per day is enough to kick start my metabolism and I will use some sort of calorie tracking software. I have used Calorie King before. Today I have found My Fitness Pal which looks interesting and I can update it from my phone. I am going to work on them and see which suits better for what I need.
I did buy a box of shakes today, on sale (short dated) although not a brand that I had used before thought it would make for a good start. BLEAGH! they are horrid! I am thankful there are only 9 left, they were super cheap and I am going to try it with water next time and hope my regular ones go on sale somewhere in the next week. I did also have to go and eat 2 biscuits as I forgot to get fruit on my way back to work, my head was starting to hurt from the lack of food, I was just unprepared.
This is just the latest in a lot that has been happening in the past few weeks. As much as I hate it, money is the centre of our universe right now. We are doing ok and the bills are getting paid which is the main thing with some savings being put towards things that need to be done.
My life is just feeling very overwhelming and out of control right now. So many changes is a very short amount of time and having trouble adjusting I think. I just want to shirk all of my responsibilities and hide for a while but that isn't going to help anyone. My children need me to show them how to deal with things. Tomorrow is a new day, take a deep breath and on we go!